Loneliness has repeatedly called the „disease of the 21st century“. And it doesn’t matter what the reason is: the frantic rhythm of life in big cities, the development of technology and social networks or something else-loneliness can and should be fought. And ideally – before it leads to serious health problems.

Introverts and extroverts, men and women, rich and poor, educated and not very – most of us from time to time feel lonely. And the “majority” is not just a word: according to a survey conducted recently in the USA, 61% of adults can be considered lonely. They all feel divorced from others, while it does not matter if someone is in reality or not or not.

You can feel lonely at school and at work, with friends or partner. No matter how many people in our lives are important, the depth of emotional connection with them is important, psychologist David Nrang explains. “We can be in the company of households or friends, but if none of them understands what we think about and what we are now experiencing, most likely, we will be very lonely”.

However, to experience loneliness from time to time is quite normal: it is much worse that more and more people feel so constantly

In 2017, the former head of the United States Medical Service, Vivec Murphy, called the loneliness of „gaining momentum of the epidemic“, one of the reasons for which is that modern technologies and social networks partially replace us with living interaction with others. You can trace the relationship between this state and the growing risk of developing depression, anxiety, cardiovascular diseases, dementia, as well as a reduction in life expectancy.

Anyone may face loneliness – including specialists in the field of mental health. “Loneliness and shame make me feel flawed, useless to anyone, no one’s beloved,” the psychotherapist and coach Megan Bruno shares. “It seems that in this state it is better for anyone to catch my eye, because if people see me like this, they can turn away from me forever.”.

How to support yourself on the days when it is especially lonely? This is what psychologists advise.

1. Do not blame yourself for this feeling

The loneliness itself is unpleasant, but if we begin to scold ourselves for our state, it only exacerbates. “When we criticize ourselves, guilt deeply lets the roots in us,” Megan Bruno explains Megan. -We begin to believe that something is wrong with us that no one loves us. „.

Instead, learn self -suffering. Tell yourself that almost everyone experiences this feeling from time to time and that it is normal – to dream of intimacy in our fragmented world.

2. Remind yourself that you will not be alone forever

“This feeling is not at all a sign that something is wrong with you, and most importantly-it will definitely pass. Right now in the world, millions of people feel about the same as you, ”Bruno reminds.

3. Take a step towards people

Call one of the relatives, pull a friend on a cup of coffee or just write about what you feel in social networks. “A sense of shame will repeat to you that no one loves you and nobody needs you. Don’t listen to this voice. Remind yourself that it is worth taking a step by the threshold of the house, as you probably get a little easier. „.

4. Choose for nature

“Walking in the park will already be enough for you to feel at least a little relief,” said Jeremy Nobel, the founder of a project designed to help fight loneliness through art. According to him, communication with animals may also be healing.

5. Use a smartphone less

It’s time to replace the viewing of the strip of social networks with live communication. “Following the strangers“ glossy ”and“ impeccable ”lives, we feel more and more unhappy,” recalls David Narang. -But the addiction to Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) and Facebook (an extremist organization prohibited in Russia) can be beneficial if you invite someone from the frands to a cup of tea ”.

6. Take care of creativity

“Read the poem, tie the scarf, express everything you feel on canvas,” Nobel suggests. -All this is ways to turn your pain into something beautiful. „.

7. Think about who loves you

Remember a person who really loves you and worries you about you. Ask yourself: how do I know that he (a) loves me? How he (a) expresses his love? When he (a) was nearby, when I needed it? “The fact that the other person loves you so much is said not only about him or about him, but also about you – you really deserve love and support,” Nranga is sure.

8. Look for opportunities to get closer to strangers a little

Smiling at the one who sits opposite the subway, or holding the door in the store, you can become a little closer to those who surround you

. “Skipping someone in line, try to imagine what this person feels,” Nranga suggests. – Each of us needs small manifestations of kindness – so take the first step. „.

9. Sign up for group classes

Plant the seeds of future ties – join a group whose meetings are held on a regular basis. Choose what you are interested in: volunteer organization, professional association, book club. “Having shared your impressions with other participants in the event, you will give them a better chance to recognize you and open yourself,” Nranga is sure.

10. Decipher the message that transfers loneliness to you

Instead of headlong from this feeling, try to meet him face to face. “Mark everything that you feel: discomfort, thoughts, emotions, tension in the body,” Nrang advises. – Most likely, in a few minutes clarity will come in your head: you will understand what specific steps you should take. This plan, formulated in a calm state, will be much more effective than scattered actions that we all perform while in the grip of emotions „.

When it’s time to seek help

As we have already said, loneliness is a fairly common state, and the fact that you experience it does not mean at all that something is “wrong” with you ”. However, if this feeling does not leave you for too long and you understand that you are standing on the threshold of depression, it’s time to seek help.

Instead of continuing to move away from others, agree on a visit to a specialist – a psychologist or psychotherapist. He will help you establish a connection with others and again feel loved and necessary.